I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
