Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We named our party play list daddy issues
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Randomize
