Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
