but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
