I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
