This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
