Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
