i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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