...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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