Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
