found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
