the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
