He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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