Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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