I hate all girls vehemently.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she peed on how many people?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
