If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
