Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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