you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
