i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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