It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just had sex on a roof
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
