Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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