my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
