There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
