If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
