oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
