it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
