I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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