dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
