the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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