Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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