Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
