heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
