Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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