Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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