ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
