so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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