Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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