is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
