Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
