Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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