I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
