I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
