Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
