Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
