non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
