is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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