You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it because I queefed?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
