the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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