I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so let's talk penis.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
