btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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