Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
