break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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