the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
