i need an iv and a liver transplant
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
