oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
