there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
