I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
